Apr. 12, 2003 - 5:04 a.m.
I'm becoming more rigid, less tolerable, less flexible, and not in the physical sense, but rather the mental one. I'm wondering if you can get burn out from a job for which you never really volunteered.
A dear friend of mine once said, "It's the little things that make life grand." However, I'm coming to realize that it is also the little things that make certain situations intolerable. It is amazing how easily someone can find my last nerve and start jumping up and down on it.
Ignorance is a pet peeve. I have very little tolerance for it these days, and I am ever so tempted to respond with violence when confronted with it. From the smallest aspect of it (disgustingly poor grammar or habitually botching your native language) to the greater idiocies (constantly regurgitating inane drivel you foolishly bought into), this predilection of the young and impressionable makes me want to vomit.
Insecurity is right up there as well. Why should I respect someone who doesn't respect himself? Why is it so awful to tell someone who is chronically depressed and suicidal that they are right? The world very well may be a better place if they offed themselves. My time and tax dollars could certainly be put to better use.
Hyperactivity in a person without any humor or wit is like nails on a chalkboard. Unless I am stoned out of my ever-loving mind or am tripping on something a tad stronger than caffeine, these individuals do nothing but irritate. Like a swamp mosquito, they deposit just enough poison to annoy the hell out of a sane individual.
And it is becoming very rare to find the precious few that do not display these annoying personality traits these days. The world has made it increasingly easier for the dumb and nonproductive to survive. If Darwin has been reincarnated, he's having apoplexy right now.
My support and my love and the little wisdom I have scraped together are far too valuable to be wasted on the flotsam of humanity. I'd prefer to hold it in reserve for those who not only crave my respect, but also have earned it. I want to give to those who it would be MY privilege to know. I want to be surrounded by equals.
Yes, it does sound ridiculously proud and vain and arrogant, but the truth of the matter is that I choose to live without the fluffy bunny blinders on. I don't always want to be the teacher, the support net, the statue on a pedestal, the desired. I crave a world where I am the student, where there is much to be desired, where I have a safety net so broad and strong, I can act without fear.
But instead I'm reduced to carefully watching myself and watching you and shaking my head in frustration at the stupidity inherent in this ridiculous situation.
