Oct. 16, 2003 - 7:43 a.m.
Now normally, I am pretty hard to offend. A person either has to be fairly determined to be offensive or just a plain fucking moron, for the most part. However, there are a few issues that do tend to raise my hackles from time to time.
My friends and loved ones are very aware of what these few taboo topics concern and tend to tread lightly when any come up in conversation, because on the rare occassion I actually am offended, I tend to get a tad irate and confrontational. I know...shocking! Isn't it?
Now that my spawn are getting a little older though, I find myself constantly struggling to rein myself in. Children are MASTERS at being offensive.
The best part is that they announce it beforehand. "No offense, but..." which really translates into, "I'm about to say something that is really going to piss you off, Mom." This is generally followed by my pre-teen children berating me for something they know virtually nothing about.
I know this is getting off topic, but why do children believe that they have the sum of all knowledge? What kind of mindset goes instantaneously from constantly asking questions to one day believing you have asked all the questions you will ever need to ask.
It seems like yesterday they were running to me for advice, and today they are more than happy to give it.
I was probably just as much of an obnoxious know-it-all at that age as well, but it bites to have it thrown back in my face a score of years later.
I hear the bells tolling for the end of their childhood and ringing a mournful dirge to welcome in adolescense. I hated my teenage years, and I echo my children when I say it is "beastly unfair" that I should have to relive such a horrible period even second hand.
Is there any way to just skip this part of their development? Go straight on to adulthood and I can just be a grandma. I never thought that title would be so appealing, but anything is better than reliving puberty.
