Mar. 19, 2004 - 10:55 p.m.
Alternative merely means "other" in society's unofficial survey. It means that there is now a large enough population who refuse to fit into previously defined boxes, so they changed the rules and lumped us all in another cardboard prison.
There was a meeting, a support group, a healing circle, and they made the mistake of inviting me. There should have been a sign on the door that read: We are not interested in individuals despite our neat logo.
They sat in a circle, and proceeded to invoke a ritual of which they were all familiar, but left me in some confusion. They took turns introducing themselves.
"Hello, I'm Tabitha, and I'm a witch. I've been practicing Gardnerian Wicca for 7 years."
"Good evening, I'm Asmodeus, and I was born a vampire."
"Hi, I'm Lily, the pagan."
"My name is Lord Bacchus Avodea Syn III. I practice an obscure, yet powerful magik based loosly upon voodoo, the sex magik practiced by the lost Atlanteans, Native American shamanism, and the parts of ancient druidism that appeal to me. Accompanying me tonight is my slave and soul mate, Lady Juliana Bane Syn. We just celebrated the anniversary of our binding ritual."
It was my turn.
"Hi, I'm Misery."
They all smiled with insincerity and no small measure of pity at the social faux pas I just obviously committed.
The chippy pagan looked at me and asked, "Yes, but what are you?"
I should have just replied, "evil imp", since that is exactly the personae that seemed to possess me at the moment, but the instant would not have been recorded in this diary had I gone with something so easy to brush off.
She asked for it, so I let her know:
"I am the red witch.
I am the Phoenix rising.
I am blood and jasmine, milk and honey.
I am the steam that rises from the broken craters in our pregnant mother Earth's womb.
I am that itch you can't scratch.
I practice a natural form of magic that is very similar to breathing. I do this daily.
I am a flame that needs no fuel.
I am a mother, a lover, a friend.
I am a healer.
I was born on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer.
I am a teacher of no religion, but a student of the spirit.
I have a deck of Tarot cards that belong to me, and runes that belong to someone else.
I drink blood and taste earth, and dance for the glory of gods and goddesses, but I really prefer hot boiled crawfish and cold beer in August.
I am a massage therapist by occupation, and a writer by inclination.
I have been practicing my art since the moment of my conception, and maybe this time around I might actually get a thing or two right.
I have been both angel and demon, messenger and justice, healer and warrior, creator, destroyer, and that all took place this morning when I tried to get my kids to the bus on time.
And I see no need to join a support group because being a human being is not a disease."
I'm not quite sure whether there were more looks of disgust or utter confusion, but a fair amount of adoration with no understanding was evident as well. I'm pretty sure, however, that little was accomplished by my monologue other than adding some new material to the local alternative's gossip broadcast.
But somewhere amidst the tirade, I realized that I had lost any need to fit in because I already do. I have a place in the scheme of things, and goals yet to be accomplished that can only be fulfilled by someone with my unique talents. I fit in because I am here, because I am a part of this whole crazy mess. And I don't need a label to do it, either.
